No Fats, Fems or Oldies

 

 

     Have you read any online profiles lately? If you’re a gay man and just home from the bar alone on a late Friday or Saturday night, or just sitting at your desk at work killing some time online when you might should be working, I’d bet lots of money you have. What’s it with gay men? Many of them, more times than not, seem to use terms with a negative nuance when they are describing what they’re looking for. When in all actuality they’re stating what they don’t want to sleep with. Is it still referred to as sleep?

     Wouldn’t it be much nicer and get the same point across if they stated what they're really looking for rather then what they’re not? There’re a whole lot of adjectives that could be better used in referring to their desired mate for that thirty minute lunch break (while their partner is clueless), an evening, night or perhaps a longer encounter, like a relationship. Couldn’t “No Fats” be replaces with fit, in shape, slim, muscular, bearish, beefy, stocky, etc.? But lets not forget about those that actually like a man with a little extra around the hips and belly for a good pounding. Can I write that? You know, those chubby chasers. They need love, too.

     And what’s wrong with being “fem” in the first place? Haven’t we been fighting for years for the right to be who we are? Oh, but you can’t be effeminate. OH, HELL NO! Many use the word like it’s something to which be ashamed. And those of you “non fem” guys walking around the gym like you have something stuck up in your—you know what—looking all John Wayne. You might want to keep those lips sealed tightly. Make that very tightly. It may walk like a tuff guy, but it doesn’t mean it talks like one. You guys know who you are. Seriously girls, sooner or later you're going to slip and the purse is going to fall out with a nice pair of heels to match. What about, BE MASCULINE!, or butch, or a man’s man instead of stating “No Fems.” Please guys. No Fems? Really? Say that to yourself three times while you’re on your back with your legs dodging the ceiling fan of that stranger’s bedroom you just met on line.

     And what about “No Oldies?” What, you younger guys think you’re going to be in your twenties forever? It goes really fast, guys. That you can believe. Before you know it your twenty-five and then thirty … and, OH MY GOD FORTY! And forget fifty or older. As far as most of you guys are concerned you may as well be dead. How about some respect. When was the last time you looked in a dictionary? Well, if it has been a while, look up the word old. Or better yet, while you’re online go to dictionary.com. That should save you some time having to thumb through all those pages, and you don’t want to take your eyes off those body part pictures for too long that are all over those profiles, which I'll address in a minute. The body part pictures that is. Old kind of means worn out. And, by the way, just for future reference, an oldie usually refers to an old joke, saying, song, movie, etc. Who do you think made it a little easier to be gay in 2011 in the first place? Did you just think there were always gay bars and clubs to go to? News flash, boys. It was those “oldies” you refer to in your online profiles that made that possible for you. And, since you are online anyway, look up Stonewall. Get some history, gay history that is while you’re trying to get your sex on.

     Now, about those body part pictures. Really boys. Do I have to spell it out for you?  They come in different sizes and vary in shape, but basically they all look pretty much the same. The front part that is. And about the back, well … some are a little rounder than others, and some are just plain flat as a pancake. But, I personally would like to see a face. And even more so, I'd like it if all these sex, dating, whatever you want to call them, sites had a filter so I could avoid the body part pictures all together. Guess that makes me more of a face guy. And for those of you who aren't, Inserrection has some toys for you.

     So, if you're still asking yourself what’s my point? Then let me spell it out for you. There's nothing wrong with being fat, fem or old. Of course, I prefer the word mature. So don’t make it out to be by stating them in your online profiles like they are. You guys know who you are. If you want the straight world to accept you, then be men and accept the diversity in your own culture. It’s that simple. And besides, it’s kinder and we could all use some of that in this crazy world. It’s sad to think that for a group of people that have been judged for being so “deviant” for their desire to be with the same sex, we’re the worst to judge our own kind. And, again, in another few years you may very well be one of those “fats, fems or oldies” especially “oldies” sitting at your computer … all alone.